Ben Blackshaw Series
by Hunter199
Summary: Ben Blackshaw Series
1. Chapter 1

My Dearest LuAnna,

I hope this letter finds you well. It has been months since I have last seen you. While I may not have left on good terms, my feelings for you have never changed. My love for you is everlasting and continues to grow with each second that goes by. The words that I shared with you the night before my departure were not a true representation of my character. I will be the first to admit that I should have told you about the Gulf War farther in advance. If I had, would that have stopped the argument?

I do not want you to think that I choose the service over you. "Ben, will it be me or the service?" I can still hear the genuine disappointment and heartbreak in your voice. It replays in my head every night before I pray that I will be able to return home, alive. Deep down you know that I never wanted to leave you back on Smith Island as I ventured off on a quest thousands of miles away.

I had to take this chance LuAnna. I needed to patch the hole in my heart left by my father. I needed to experience the same conditions that he endured. Did they make him crazy? Did they turn him into a blood thirsty monster who would abandon the life he once had? I would never have received the answers to these questions without seeing it first-hand.

I believe that my father was not the monster that I viewed him as. The war. It can change a person very fast. You have to be a special kind of person to serve time and come out the same way you came in. I have seen things that I could never imagine. Heard noises that should not occur. Smelt the potent aroma of decaying flesh and horrible body odor. Felt the fear and anger that should not exist amongst the human species.

I am doing this for you. For us. When I leave here and I promise you I will be a changed man. I will finally have repaired my heart. I believe I will know exactly why my father acted the way he did. Once my heart is whole once more, I will be able to give it to you. I will have closed a chapter in my life allowing us to begin ours. There will be no more secrets. I will resume my position amongst the folks of Smith Island. Every morning the engine of Miss Dotsy will roar. Ellis and I will have the best oyster season to date.

Best of all, you and I will be together. I long to be home with you and feel your warm embrace. To console you in your times of need. To hold you and love you with every fiber of my being.

I have to go now. Duty calls. I ask that you please find the strength to write me back. I need to hear from you and know that you are doing well. I cannot live without you LuAnna.

Forever yours,

Ben


	2. Chapter 2

Ben,

It's been months of no contact and you think that a heart-felt letter will make me weak at the knees? I think you have to try harder than that, Benjamin!

"Ben, will it be me or the service?" Yes, that's exactly what I asked you that night. The same night you left me. I was madly in love with you. I dreamed of our future together. The good times. The bad times. Till death do us part? You on the other hand, did not seem to share the same vision.

You are correct to say that I am upset with your decision. It takes a strong woman to put a serious relationship on pause while her man goes off thousands of miles away. Do you think I don't worry about you?

You'd be a damn fool to think that I don't. I stay up every night and wonder where you are. I pray to God that you will come home to me safe. I worry that one of these days I will receive a letter that will begin,

I am deeply saddened to learn about the loss of your significant other, Ben Blackshaw, USMC. Our Nation will not forget his sacrifice, and we can never repay our debt to your family.

For this relationship to work, Ben, I need to know more. I need to know that you are safe. Are you eating enough? Do you get a good night sleep, if you ever get to sleep? Have you been injured? Have you killed anyone? I am not sure I will be able to hear the answer to that last question.

My biggest concern is, will you come home and still be my Ben? War is a nasty thing. I hear stories all the time about soldiers who have come back and completely lost it. These boys are suffering from severe PTSD, guilt, depression, and fear.

You know this first hand because of your father, Ben. You said that you wanted to go and follow in your father's footsteps. You want to experience his day to day doings. Learn the relationships that he would have made. But we both know what happened when he returned home. All was well until the day that he disappeared. It was hard enough saying good-bye to you the first time. I cannot imagine you coming home only to vanish. I cannot and will not let you do that to me, to yourself, or to our relationship.

Listen to me Ben, I may never forgive you for the pain and heartbreak that you put me through the night you left. You better understand that I will not let you raise your voice like that ever again. With that said, I truly wish you were home with me.

Ben it has been awful. I have never felt more alone and defeated. This crinkled piece of paper has brought so much joy and sorrow into my life. I am thrilled to know that you are well but truly need your comfort. I need a direct response not one that I will have to wait several days if not weeks to receive. I need you to bring light back into my current state of Hell.

Ben, on Wednesday, my parents were pronounced dead. Please save your condolences. I cannot fathom to hear another apology regarding how their death was so tragic or their lives were taken too soon.

Until next time,

LuAnna

P.S. - I ask that you send me a current picture of yourself. I would like to have something of yours that will remind me that you are the one worth waiting for.


	3. Chapter 3

My Dearest LuAnna,

Please forgive me but I must express my condolences. I want you to know that I am always here for you when you need someone. I may be thousands of miles away, however, you still hold my heart. When you are upset I want you to think about the love that I am sending. I want you to think about the many times I have wrapped my arms around you and held you. I want you to know that I will help you get through this even though I cannot be by your side.

I have been searching for a picture of myself to send you, however, I have come up empty handed. The next best item I could provide you was with one of my dog tags. I hope that you will either wear them or view them with pride. They serve as a symbol of my everlasting love for you. They also serve as a reminder that one day I will return home to you. We will pick up where we left off (before our fight). We can start a family and we can talk about making you the new Mrs. Blackshaw. I think I am ready for that.

LuAnna, I understand that you have questions and I would love to share with you every detail. I am just unable to. You see, the war, it changes a man. I now understand why my father acted the way he did. I have seen horrible sights. I have lost countless friends. I have heard the screams of innocent lives that should not have been lost.

I am not one to talk though. I have done some horrible things during my time here, thus far. I believe you can interpret what it is I am trying to say. I am not proud of myself, LuAnna. I would love to have an open line of communication with you. That will be key for our relationship. However, I am just not ready to open up and explain myself yet. It takes a lot to relive the experiences that I have had here. I now truly understand why so many soldiers will return home with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I think I may have it myself.

I will make it my mission to return home to you. Please don't worry about receiving a letter that would pronounce me dead. I do not plan to be in a coffin anytime soon. If you were to receive a letter it would read something like:

It is with great honor that I would like to share your significant other's

achievement with you. Sergeant Ben Blackshaw has received the Kuwait Liberation Medal for his participation in Operation Desert Storm.

If you receive such a letter please rewrite it and send it to me. I would really love to hear about the nice things they would have to say about me. Also, please keep the letter in a safe place. This would be a great honor and I would love to save the document as a certificate that I can put together with the medal I will receive.

I would like to ask you a favor similar to the one you have asked of me. I would like to be reminded someway of the island. If you could send me an object, a postcard, a picture, anything that will remind me of my home on Smith Island, I will be forever grateful. I am starting to get very home sick here and would do anything to return home.

I wait with bated breath for your next letter.

I am forever yours,

Ben


End file.
